soul to squeeze

six days ago i underwent a small surgical procedure to loop a vein and artery together at my left wrist. in time, the new arterial vein loop will become my dialysis access point. the clinic nurses will eventually begin using needles on the loop in order to access my blood, rather than the catheter. over time, they will create what is known as a 'button hole.' which basically means they'll stick the same exact spot every other day until the scar tissue actually builds up two little vampire bite looking permanent holes. then, they'll remove the tunnel cath from my jugular and allow me to take showers and live a more active life again.

but, until then, i must squeeze. squeeze and squeeze and squeeze. after the surgery, they must build up the strength of the new arterial loop. is there a magic pill? some sort of surgical slip that provides such strength? nope. squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. the clinic has given me a fair sized stress 'ball.' it is actually a large over blown phoslo pill made of fluff. i am to use it, in my left hand, for 90 minutes a day.  after the first 5 minutes, it begins to becoming annoying and the longer it goes on, the more it begins to hurt. so really it takes three hours of squeezing...in order to get in the full 90 minutes of solid stress ball play.

in theory, in about 8 weeks, my new arm fistula will have matured and the arterial loop will be nice and strong. they'll use it for a few weeks and then remove the tunnel catheter. it is suppose to be much safer, infection wise...and its much easier to live with, fewer worries of being knocked out or causing any pain.

until then, two more months of being careful for the catheter and spending 3 hours every day squeezing an overly large fluff filled phosphate binder.  i cant wait for late june to arrive, even if it does mean the beginning of needle sticking.