soul to squeeze

six days ago i underwent a small surgical procedure to loop a vein and artery together at my left wrist. in time, the new arterial vein loop will become my dialysis access point. the clinic nurses will eventually begin using needles on the loop in order to access my blood, rather than the catheter. over time, they will create what is known as a 'button hole.' which basically means they'll stick the same exact spot every other day until the scar tissue actually builds up two little vampire bite looking permanent holes. then, they'll remove the tunnel cath from my jugular and allow me to take showers and live a more active life again.

but, until then, i must squeeze. squeeze and squeeze and squeeze. after the surgery, they must build up the strength of the new arterial loop. is there a magic pill? some sort of surgical slip that provides such strength? nope. squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. the clinic has given me a fair sized stress 'ball.' it is actually a large over blown phoslo pill made of fluff. i am to use it, in my left hand, for 90 minutes a day.  after the first 5 minutes, it begins to becoming annoying and the longer it goes on, the more it begins to hurt. so really it takes three hours of squeezing...in order to get in the full 90 minutes of solid stress ball play.

in theory, in about 8 weeks, my new arm fistula will have matured and the arterial loop will be nice and strong. they'll use it for a few weeks and then remove the tunnel catheter. it is suppose to be much safer, infection wise...and its much easier to live with, fewer worries of being knocked out or causing any pain.

until then, two more months of being careful for the catheter and spending 3 hours every day squeezing an overly large fluff filled phosphate binder.  i cant wait for late june to arrive, even if it does mean the beginning of needle sticking.

not 10th street green

the thought to produce a blog to chronicle my time through kidney failure and (hopefully) transplantation has been a heavy one. ive attempted to encourage myself, while listening to the encouragement of others, off and on again really since january 2010 after my triple bypass. but lets be honest, who wants to read a long, if optimistic, journey through what is basically medical repair? so when dialysis rolled around there were a million questions being asked...many of them time and time again (occasionally by the same people, over and over again)...and i decided to start a blog. a sort of communication hub, but without the medically centered 'caring bridge' themes. i wanted to be able to write about the whole of my experience not just the results of my latest failed platelet test. organ failure and repair, or replacement or machine take over, etc can be a pretty life changing experience.

it has taken me just about two months to become comfortable with sharing most of these experiences. i have realized that i do not have enough time or energy to call or write absolutely everyone. and i hope this blog can serve to keep those of you that i dont speak to on a regular basis as up to date as the rest of my folks.

i have spent the past two weeks or so trying to figure out what the perfect first post would be. while my new station in life has taught me many virtues, apparently getting rid of perfectionism is not one of them. i will leave you now after this brief introduction and statement of purpose.  plenty of posts to go up over the next few weeks. updates on my experiences in dialysis, my present kidney standing, information on biopsies and if i'm feeling jovial...perhaps even a few non health related stories. you know, ive been known to speak on politics and religion, too...